“My boyfriend and I were messing around and ended up grinding against each other in our underwear. Could pre-cum get through the fabric and get me pregnant? I’m a virgin and slightly paranoid about pregnancy.”

To answer your question, you are not likely to get pregnant from the activities that you are describing. The more important conversation is how old are you and your boyfriend and have you talked about using birth control. I want to encourage you to make an appointment with a health care provider who can give you information on birth control and can also provide information on protection from sexually transmitted infections.

“I was giving my boyfriend a hand job and this watery stuff seeped out of his penis every now and then. Apparently it got on my arm and he thought it was spit, so he wiped it off. After that he started fingering me. I googled whether I could get pregnant from this since his hands may have touched it, but I can’t get a straight answer. What do you guys say?”

It is highly unlikely that you will become pregnant from the situation you describe. However, you should see a health care provider to discuss birth control options to prevent an unintended pregnancy.

The post Pre-Cum + Pregnancy appeared first on Fact Not Fiction.

Our culture places a lot of importance on romantic relationships. Valentine’s Day, anniversaries, couple’s Halloween costumes are a few examples of how our culture places a lot of focus on a very personal relationship between people. We often feel pressure; from ourselves, friends, family, media, etc.; to be in a romantic relationship. If you are like me, then you may have resisted this pressure. I find that there is another type of relationship that is much more important.

Romantic relationships are complicated. Incredible communication skills, respect, trust, and mutual power dynamics are all key. Yet, when we think about it, those same skills are necessary for all of our relationships.

When people tell me that they’ve never been in a relationship, I ask them a few questions -half jokingly and half serious. “Have you never had friends? A family?” and, most importantly, “Do you not have an open dialogue with yourself?”

Yes, I’d like to propose that you are in a relationship with yourself, and so am I and so are your friends. You are the only person that you cannot live without and will forever be tied to for better or worse, in sickness and in health, till death do you….well, you get the picture.

So you’ve never been in a serious romantic relationship. That in no way invalidates all of the amazing, supportive relationships you’ve had and currently have in your life. “But I want to cuddle and go on long
romantic walks on the beach and have wild, crazy sex.” And who is saying you can’t? It’s true that you only live once, but in the words of Mae West, “if you do it right, once is enough.”

Being in a romantic relationship for the sake of being in a romantic relationship is the most immature and unhealthy action that I’ve seen people around me take. Your time is a finite commodity that should not be spent lightly. Spend it on yourself for a bit while you can. Once you are in a relationship your time is
no longer fully yours. Take this time to learn more about yourself and take insane pictures with your friends and write letters with your extended family and listen to your grandmother’s story about how she met the love of her life.

You are not alone. You are okay. You are capable of great accomplishments. You are intelligent. You are a beautiful human being who is worthy of love because we all are.

The post Relationships 101: It happens when the time is right. appeared first on Fact Not Fiction.

Being single isn’t as bad as it may seem. There are times when you will feel lonely, but it gives you a chance to find yourself again. Love can hurt you physically, mentally and emotionally. From my past experience, I can tell you that it feels so amazing being able to have that significant other you can talk to all day and will make you feel like you’re on top of the world, but there are many ups and downs in relationships. So,
everything isn’t going to be sweet like peaches and cream all the time in a relationship, and being single can be for the best.

It is so hard to move on from a relationship that you have been holding onto for so long. For me, I have been crushing on the same guy since the summer before my freshman year of high school. I was only 13 years old at the time, so let’s keep in mind that was over 4 years ago as I am 18 years old now. We’ve dated off-and-on over the past 4 years. We aren’t currently dating, but that relationship is still affecting me today. After our breakup, I cried for months, and I can assure you I am NOT exaggerating. Every time I logged onto social media, I would see pictures and videos of happy couples. Then I would start reminiscing about the past and I would be crying before I noticed it. Since we haven’t been talking as much as we have in the
past, I’ve started focusing more on myself again, and I’m realizing that being single is the best for me right now.

I have had more time to focus on my success in the future. My grades have improved, and I started playing sports again. I have never realized how happy I could be single, and I am not depressed as often as I used
to be. I have also learned to be less dependent of someone when it comes to my heart and how I feel about myself. I try to do as much work as possible, or anything to keep my mind off of that relationship. Lately, I have been having more fun than I ever had before. Being single has made me more confident.

My first break up made me feel horrible. I often sit and think about my past, but then I realize I am doing much better single. My confidence, ego, and personality have changed so much because of that relationship, and it has made me become more aware of my feelings and what makes me happy. Being single is not terrible because it gives you time to perfect yourself.

The post Time to focus on YOU. appeared first on Fact Not Fiction.

Sex. Many people consider this the most important part of the relationship. But, are you ready for it? Sex is nothing to take lightly. Honestly, it adds a lot to think and talk about in a relationship.

When I first became sexually active, I was very irresponsible. I didn’t know about sexually transmitted infections, the mental anguish, how to talk to my partner about it, or anything else it did to me. When you decide to have sex, make sure you know what you’re getting yourself into by talking to your partner about what you both want and are comfortable with, and how you can be safe. Know that it’s YOUR body. Never compromise your comfort for someone else’s pleasure.

I never really knew I was ready. I just wanted the person I was with to stay. I can assure you that’s not how it works and that’s not a good reason to have sex with someone. It created an insecurity in me. I questioned if I was worth it, was I pretty, and a long list of other things. When you open up that part of yourself, you can never get it back, so make sure you and your partner are ready.

When you are ready, talk to your partner. Make them understand your boundaries. If you feel comfortable and you’ve taken the steps to be safe (condoms, getting tested, birth control, etc.), you should be set to go physically. But always remember, NEVER compromise your own emotional well-being for anyone.

Be safe out there.

The post Knowing When You’re Ready. appeared first on Fact Not Fiction.

Many of us want to be loved and respected, but what happens when your relationship begins to move faster than planned and your partner begins to pressure you about sex? Unfortunately, this is a serious issue among young people and can sometimes cause them to succumb to pressure and do what they’re uncomfortable doing just to please their partner. The fact of the matter is that you may not be ready for sex, and no one that loves you should pressure you to do it. Choosing to have sex should be a decision that you make with your partner when you both feel that you are capable of dealing with any possible consequences that could arise from your actions. Sadly, talking to your partner about this may not be the easiest thing, and sometimes will cause relationships to end.

However, here are a few tips that you should use if your partner is pressuring you for sex:

1.     Discuss Possible Risks

Sex is a big choice and can come with big consequences. Talking to your partner about the potential risks of sex may be just what they need to help them understand why you are choosing to wait. One possible topic that you can discuss with your partner is the risk of unplanned pregnancy. Mississippi has one of the highest rates of teenage pregnancy in the country, and teen mothers are less likely to complete high school. In fact, only about one-third of Mississippi teen mothers actually receive a high school diploma. Another
possible risk associated with sex is contracting a sexually transmitted disease (STD). There are nearly 20 million STDs reported annually in the U.S., and youth ages 15-24 account for half of them. This is the unfortunate reality that sex has a lot of possible consequences.

2.     Demand Respect

Sometimes discussing the risks doesn’t always do the trick, so demanding respect is another step you can take. It is important that you understand your worth so that you won’t compromise your values and health for the pleasure of another person. If your partner is not being understanding of your concerns about sex, then it is important that you let them know that you are not ready and that the topic is off the table. The way your partner responds may not turn out the way you want and may actually cause your partner to leave, but at least you stood your ground with your beliefs.

3.
Leave

There is no use in trying to make your partner understand your feelings about sex if they haven’t gotten it by step two. If they continue to press the issue, it is best to just walk away. Someone who loves you will
never push you to do something that you are uncomfortable doing, and will have your back when you make decisions. In the end, sometimes it is safer to leave than to risk heartbreak, rape, and relationship violence for your decision to abstain.

There is no reason to ever compromise with anyone about sex if you are not ready. Sex should be special, but most importantly it should be done on your terms. Love yourself, and never allow anyone to treat you badly for your decisions.

Stay true to yourself and never give in.

The post When things move a little too fast. appeared first on Fact Not Fiction.

Falling in love makes you to want to spend a lot of time with the person you’re in a relationship with. Spending so much time you together may cause you to lose good friends. The best thing to do is balance time between your friends and relationship.

Tips for finding the right balance:

• At the beginning of a relationship, you should make it known to your significant other that your friends are important to you also. You shouldn’t always talk about your friends but still involve them in the conversation.
• Bringing your boyfriend or girlfriend around your friends is always good. Try inviting your friend and their significant other out. For this to work you must try to get along to get along with the girlfriend or boyfriend. It must work both ways.
• Honesty is important. Sometimes your partner can become jealous, and this may cause an unhealthy relationship. And even your friends can become jealous, too. To avoid this situation, you should always be open about what you think about any situation.

Sometimes friends don’t get along with the partner or the partner doesn’t get along with the friend. This sometimes can ruin a relationship, but whose fault is it? There are mistakes made when balancing
friends and a relationship. Saying “she’s jealous” is not always the case. Your friends can truly be concerned about your well-being. He or she may be jealous, but if this is not the case don’t let that excuse be a reason to ignore the situation.

Another issue may be friends expecting things to always stay the same. Friends have to accept change. Change is happening every day.

It could be hard balancing friends and your relationship. But if you don’t, you may lose friends or the relationship. 

The post #FNFRealTalkTeam: Finding the Time. appeared first on Fact Not Fiction.

👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽

The post Respect and Relationships appeared first on Fact Not Fiction.

Preparing to engage in sexual activity in any form requires a good bit of prep work: being mindful of any STIs you or your partner could have, ensuring proper birth control, finding a safe and healthy environment, and building mutual trust between you and your partner. However, especially when we are with committed partners, we often forget that giving and gaining consent is necessary before and during any sexual encounter.

As teens, we are especially susceptible to unwanted sexual contact. The Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network reports that 29% of people who experience sexual assault are age 12-17, 44% are under age 18, and girls age 16-19 are 4 times more likely than the general population to experience  of rape, attempted rape, or sexual assault. Most of these attacks are not random: it can be the person’s classmate, neighbor, or even their boyfriend/girlfriend.

No matter whom we have sex with, consent is always required. Whether it’s our boyfriend/girlfriend, friend, or someone we just met, both partners must always consent to any
and all sexual activity. If your partner starts to do something to you or has you do something to them that you are not comfortable doing, there is no shame in saying no. No always means no – no matter what.

If a situation does make you uncomfortable, you should make your discomfort obvious to your partner by using a physical cue, like pushing them away, along with a verbal no. If they ignore your requests to stop or try to guilt you into continuing, stand firm in your decision to stop. Don’t be afraid that you will hurt their feelings or create an awkward situation. Disappointment and awkwardness will go away, but the emotional trauma of an unwanted sexual encounter can linger for years.

It’s important to remember that sexual assault can happen to both men and women. Regardless of your gender or the gender of your partner, you should always ensure that you’re both comfortable with every aspect of your encounter. If your partner looks uncomfortable with what you are doing, stop and ask them if they are okay with what’s going on. If your partner says no or expresses reservations about any of your sexual advances, respect their boundaries by stopping immediately. If you’re ever unsure of their consent,
just ask!

Trust and respect are fundamental parts of any relationship – especially intimate ones. We trust our partners with secrets and responsibilities and respect their beliefs and values; but it’s easy to get caught up in the moment during sex. It’s important to know that trust and respect are necessary for healthy, consensual sex, but they also add to the experience by enhancing the emotional bond between you and your partner.

As teens, we face many challenges when it comes to relationships; but, we shouldn’t let consent be one of them. Remember: No always means no, there’s no shame in telling your partner that you’re uncomfortable, and if someone asks you to stop what you’re doing – stop immediately! Engaging in sexual activity is optional, but giving and receiving consent is not.

The post #FNFRealTalkTeam:Consent…It Always Matters. appeared first on Fact Not Fiction.

Teen dating violence is a pressing problem that can have a significant impact on a teen’s emotional and physical well-being. Although frequently under-reported, 10% of teens are physically harmed by their partner in a given year. More awareness on this issue is being raised as organizations and individuals nationwide are coming together to educate young people about dating violence and to promote healthy relationship skills in order to prevent teen dating violence.  Break the Cycle is an organization that is putting forth efforts to do so. The tools they provide and events they organize help reach many young people, including those that are personally affected or those that know someone who is being mistreated in an abusive relationship. Breaking the cycle of teen dating abuse is hard, but we should continue to increase awareness on this issue and expose the harmful effects of teen dating violence.

Roughly 1.5 million high school boys and girls in the U.S. admitted to being intentionally hit or physically
harmed in the past year by someone they were romantically involved with.Dating abuse is an epidemic that is growing every day and leaves lasting effects on the victim. Half of youth across the country who
have been victims of both dating violence and rape attempt suicide, compared to 12.5% of non-abused girls and 5.4% of non-abused boys. Violent relationships in adolescence can have serious ramifications by putting the victims at higher risk for substance abuse, eating disorders, risky sexual behavior, and further domestic violence. Harmful situations lead to lasting effects upon the abused victim. Work to raise awareness on teen dating violence is bringing people and teens together to fight this growing problem
across the nation.

If you do not personally experience dating violence, then you very likely may be familiar with a teen relationship in which violence does occur. During my freshman year of high school, one of my own best friends started dating a junior. He was charming and kind to her, making her feel liked for the first time. She quickly fell in love and spent every moment with him she could. He was one of those “bad boys” that did not deserve an amazing girl like her. Soon she began telling us that he loved her so much that he made her unfollow all boys on her social media accounts. She saw this as a sign of affection, because that would mean he did not want to share her with anyone else or for her to want to be with anyone else. All of my friends found this odd, but we did not speak up. He was verbally abusive to her and never allowed her to spend time away from him. He made plans for her and she had no freedom. She began being pressured by him to have sex when she knew she was not ready, which she gave in to. After months of enduring his abuse, pressure, and control, she finally broke up with him and never went back. He continues to chase after her to this day, but she will never put herself in that situation ever again. Relationships like this are very common among teens all across the country. Organizations and people all over the country, like Break the Cycle, work to not only raise awareness of this issue, but empower youth to work and prevent such relationships and help others they know who are in abusive relationships.

You may or may not know when you are entering an abusive relationship, but understand the healthiest decision for you is to back out as soon as something feels wrong. When you know someone who is being abused, know that they may not see the issue and may decline help. Take a stand against dating violence amongst teens. Use Break the Cycle’s website to navigate through campaigns and events you can bring to your own community. Do not be like me and my friends, where we just let the abuse happen, but prevent a tragic end. Love is something we all want, need, and strive for, but abuse should never come along with it. Teen dating violence is a secretive topic and rarely openly discussed, but I urge you to shed light on the subject in your schools, with your friends, and around your communities.

The post #FNFRealTalkTeam: Love Has Many Definitions, But Abuse Isn’t One. appeared first on Fact Not Fiction.

“My boyfriend and I (we are both guys) have been tested and are clean. We’re both comfortable having sex without a condom. Are there any risks still involved?”

If you are certain that you are in a monogamous relationship
(meaning neither you or your partner are having sex with someone else) then you would not be exposed to a sexually transmitted infection.

The post Tested & Clean = Sex without a Condom? appeared first on Fact Not Fiction.