Our culture places a lot of importance on romantic relationships. Valentine’s Day, anniversaries, couple’s Halloween costumes are a few examples of how our culture places a lot of focus on a very personal relationship between people. We often feel pressure; from ourselves, friends, family, media, etc.; to be in a romantic relationship. If you are like me, then you may have resisted this pressure. I find that there is another type of relationship that is much more important.

Romantic relationships are complicated. Incredible communication skills, respect, trust, and mutual power dynamics are all key. Yet, when we think about it, those same skills are necessary for all of our relationships.

When people tell me that they’ve never been in a relationship, I ask them a few questions -half jokingly and half serious. “Have you never had friends? A family?” and, most importantly, “Do you not have an open dialogue with yourself?”

Yes, I’d like to propose that you are in a relationship with yourself, and so am I and so are your friends. You are the only person that you cannot live without and will forever be tied to for better or worse, in sickness and in health, till death do you….well, you get the picture.

So you’ve never been in a serious romantic relationship. That in no way invalidates all of the amazing, supportive relationships you’ve had and currently have in your life. “But I want to cuddle and go on long
romantic walks on the beach and have wild, crazy sex.” And who is saying you can’t? It’s true that you only live once, but in the words of Mae West, “if you do it right, once is enough.”

Being in a romantic relationship for the sake of being in a romantic relationship is the most immature and unhealthy action that I’ve seen people around me take. Your time is a finite commodity that should not be spent lightly. Spend it on yourself for a bit while you can. Once you are in a relationship your time is
no longer fully yours. Take this time to learn more about yourself and take insane pictures with your friends and write letters with your extended family and listen to your grandmother’s story about how she met the love of her life.

You are not alone. You are okay. You are capable of great accomplishments. You are intelligent. You are a beautiful human being who is worthy of love because we all are.

The post Relationships 101: It happens when the time is right. appeared first on Fact Not Fiction.

So, what if you just wanna be friends?

Here are a few tried and true tips to ensure a wonderfully platonic relationship.

1. You have to be honest with them and demand the same respect and courtesy. If you are attracted to them from the get go or build an attraction and would like to date them, have sex with them, or hold their hand with a more than friendly purpose, then you cannot approach the relationship with dishonest intent.

2. Don’t pretend to be their friend then be surprised when they return the sentiment. The idea of the “friend-zone” is misleading and insulting. There is value in the relationship between friends that significant others cannot experience. Platonic friends are confidants and close to each other without the entanglements of romantic drama. Both people in the relationship should value that.

3. If you are on the receiving end of unwanted feelings, you have to set your friend straight sooner rather than later, and not in a round about ask-a-mutual-friend-to-drop-hints-that-you’re-not-interested kind of way. Have a private conversation with them, without an audience, that reinforces the value that you place on the friendship.

4. Don’t play games. Don’t play games. Don’t play games.

5. If your friend continues to give advances, talk to them again. I cannot emphasize communication enough. If you have already talked to them multiple times, try to be more direct. Tell them point blank that you love them as your friend and you want to keep it that way.

6. Then, if no other methods or interventions work, there is always the nuclear option. If your friend is clearly not respecting the wants and needs that you have taken the time to express, then it is entirely possible that they are not your friend. Coming to this realization can be painful and take time, but if they
don’t respect your feelings, then they don’t respect you. Respect is the most important aspect of any relationship between two people. Period.

Your feelings have just as much validity as the feelings of the people whom you choose to surround yourself with. So, don’t let yourself get railroaded into a relationship that you don’t want. That would neither be healthy nor fair.

The post The Friend Zone. appeared first on Fact Not Fiction.

Being single isn’t as bad as it may seem. There are times when you will feel lonely, but it gives you a chance to find yourself again. Love can hurt you physically, mentally and emotionally. From my past experience, I can tell you that it feels so amazing being able to have that significant other you can talk to all day and will make you feel like you’re on top of the world, but there are many ups and downs in relationships. So,
everything isn’t going to be sweet like peaches and cream all the time in a relationship, and being single can be for the best.

It is so hard to move on from a relationship that you have been holding onto for so long. For me, I have been crushing on the same guy since the summer before my freshman year of high school. I was only 13 years old at the time, so let’s keep in mind that was over 4 years ago as I am 18 years old now. We’ve dated off-and-on over the past 4 years. We aren’t currently dating, but that relationship is still affecting me today. After our breakup, I cried for months, and I can assure you I am NOT exaggerating. Every time I logged onto social media, I would see pictures and videos of happy couples. Then I would start reminiscing about the past and I would be crying before I noticed it. Since we haven’t been talking as much as we have in the
past, I’ve started focusing more on myself again, and I’m realizing that being single is the best for me right now.

I have had more time to focus on my success in the future. My grades have improved, and I started playing sports again. I have never realized how happy I could be single, and I am not depressed as often as I used
to be. I have also learned to be less dependent of someone when it comes to my heart and how I feel about myself. I try to do as much work as possible, or anything to keep my mind off of that relationship. Lately, I have been having more fun than I ever had before. Being single has made me more confident.

My first break up made me feel horrible. I often sit and think about my past, but then I realize I am doing much better single. My confidence, ego, and personality have changed so much because of that relationship, and it has made me become more aware of my feelings and what makes me happy. Being single is not terrible because it gives you time to perfect yourself.

The post Time to focus on YOU. appeared first on Fact Not Fiction.

I’ve reached a point in life where everyone thinks they’re so in love and condom-less sex is the way to prove how much you love and trust the other person. I have peers and even a few friends who are “ready” to go to the next level in their relationships. Honestly, it saddens me, and I don’t quite understand the thought process behind them arriving at this conclusion.

A lot of people don’t protect themselves, and it’s not from ignorance of contraceptives. I wonder where this train of thought comes from. Is it because our friends talk about things we’ve never experienced so we try for ourselves? Did your boyfriend whisper sweet nothings in your ear telling you you’ll always be together and you believed him? Or do you think, like my friends and have decided that you’re old enough to go to the next level with your mate—sex without protection?

Regardless of what might have triggered the thought process, it is never OK to ignore our health. Each time we come in contact with someone sexually, we stand the chance of compromising our health. If you’re going to be sexually active, you have to love yourself enough to protect yourself.

The post Love Yourself, Protect Yourself. appeared first on Fact Not Fiction.

Sex. Many people consider this the most important part of the relationship. But, are you ready for it? Sex is nothing to take lightly. Honestly, it adds a lot to think and talk about in a relationship.

When I first became sexually active, I was very irresponsible. I didn’t know about sexually transmitted infections, the mental anguish, how to talk to my partner about it, or anything else it did to me. When you decide to have sex, make sure you know what you’re getting yourself into by talking to your partner about what you both want and are comfortable with, and how you can be safe. Know that it’s YOUR body. Never compromise your comfort for someone else’s pleasure.

I never really knew I was ready. I just wanted the person I was with to stay. I can assure you that’s not how it works and that’s not a good reason to have sex with someone. It created an insecurity in me. I questioned if I was worth it, was I pretty, and a long list of other things. When you open up that part of yourself, you can never get it back, so make sure you and your partner are ready.

When you are ready, talk to your partner. Make them understand your boundaries. If you feel comfortable and you’ve taken the steps to be safe (condoms, getting tested, birth control, etc.), you should be set to go physically. But always remember, NEVER compromise your own emotional well-being for anyone.

Be safe out there.

The post Knowing When You’re Ready. appeared first on Fact Not Fiction.

Many of us want to be loved and respected, but what happens when your relationship begins to move faster than planned and your partner begins to pressure you about sex? Unfortunately, this is a serious issue among young people and can sometimes cause them to succumb to pressure and do what they’re uncomfortable doing just to please their partner. The fact of the matter is that you may not be ready for sex, and no one that loves you should pressure you to do it. Choosing to have sex should be a decision that you make with your partner when you both feel that you are capable of dealing with any possible consequences that could arise from your actions. Sadly, talking to your partner about this may not be the easiest thing, and sometimes will cause relationships to end.

However, here are a few tips that you should use if your partner is pressuring you for sex:

1.     Discuss Possible Risks

Sex is a big choice and can come with big consequences. Talking to your partner about the potential risks of sex may be just what they need to help them understand why you are choosing to wait. One possible topic that you can discuss with your partner is the risk of unplanned pregnancy. Mississippi has one of the highest rates of teenage pregnancy in the country, and teen mothers are less likely to complete high school. In fact, only about one-third of Mississippi teen mothers actually receive a high school diploma. Another
possible risk associated with sex is contracting a sexually transmitted disease (STD). There are nearly 20 million STDs reported annually in the U.S., and youth ages 15-24 account for half of them. This is the unfortunate reality that sex has a lot of possible consequences.

2.     Demand Respect

Sometimes discussing the risks doesn’t always do the trick, so demanding respect is another step you can take. It is important that you understand your worth so that you won’t compromise your values and health for the pleasure of another person. If your partner is not being understanding of your concerns about sex, then it is important that you let them know that you are not ready and that the topic is off the table. The way your partner responds may not turn out the way you want and may actually cause your partner to leave, but at least you stood your ground with your beliefs.

3.
Leave

There is no use in trying to make your partner understand your feelings about sex if they haven’t gotten it by step two. If they continue to press the issue, it is best to just walk away. Someone who loves you will
never push you to do something that you are uncomfortable doing, and will have your back when you make decisions. In the end, sometimes it is safer to leave than to risk heartbreak, rape, and relationship violence for your decision to abstain.

There is no reason to ever compromise with anyone about sex if you are not ready. Sex should be special, but most importantly it should be done on your terms. Love yourself, and never allow anyone to treat you badly for your decisions.

Stay true to yourself and never give in.

The post When things move a little too fast. appeared first on Fact Not Fiction.

Falling in love makes you to want to spend a lot of time with the person you’re in a relationship with. Spending so much time you together may cause you to lose good friends. The best thing to do is balance time between your friends and relationship.

Tips for finding the right balance:

• At the beginning of a relationship, you should make it known to your significant other that your friends are important to you also. You shouldn’t always talk about your friends but still involve them in the conversation.
• Bringing your boyfriend or girlfriend around your friends is always good. Try inviting your friend and their significant other out. For this to work you must try to get along to get along with the girlfriend or boyfriend. It must work both ways.
• Honesty is important. Sometimes your partner can become jealous, and this may cause an unhealthy relationship. And even your friends can become jealous, too. To avoid this situation, you should always be open about what you think about any situation.

Sometimes friends don’t get along with the partner or the partner doesn’t get along with the friend. This sometimes can ruin a relationship, but whose fault is it? There are mistakes made when balancing
friends and a relationship. Saying “she’s jealous” is not always the case. Your friends can truly be concerned about your well-being. He or she may be jealous, but if this is not the case don’t let that excuse be a reason to ignore the situation.

Another issue may be friends expecting things to always stay the same. Friends have to accept change. Change is happening every day.

It could be hard balancing friends and your relationship. But if you don’t, you may lose friends or the relationship. 

The post #FNFRealTalkTeam: Finding the Time. appeared first on Fact Not Fiction.

When it comes to relationships, communication is key. However, we sometimes allow this communication to stop when it comes to sex – leaving too much room for unanswered questions and unvoiced concerns. From consent to contraceptive options to sexually transmitted infection (STI) prevention, communication plays a vital role in maintaining our sexual health. Conversations about protecting ourselves can get lost in the heat of the moment or shied away from because of embarrassment or fear of a negative reaction from our partner. No matter our reasoning for avoiding these necessary conversations, it’s time that we build that bridge.

Talking about STIs is never fun, but it is absolutely critical if we want to have healthy sexual relationships. It’s never too late to talk to your partner about this important issue. Whether you’ve been dating for months, have been sexually involved for years, or are just now starting to talk about sex, your partner’s STI status is relevant to your relationship and personal health. You might be wondering: How am I supposed to ask my partner about their sexual history? How do I ask them to get tested for STIs without coming off as pushy or untrustworthy? These are tough questions to face, but when we break them down, they become much easier to manage.

The first aspect in ensuring that our partners are STI-free is knowing and understanding their sexual history: their previous partners, their knowledge of their past partners’ histories, and types of contraceptives that they may or may not have used. Your partner may be reluctant to share their past with you. They may be embarrassed about certain aspects of their sexual history, but it’s important to remind them that you’re asking tough questions to make sure that you’re both healthy and ready to engage in sexual activity. If your partner is unsure of any of their previous partners’ STI statuses, then they have no way of knowing if they have contracted an infection! Remember: condoms and dental dams are the only contraceptive methods that can reduce your risk of contracting an STI, and neither are 100% effective! So, regardless of the contraceptives that they have used in the past, there is still a chance that they are not STI-free if they are unsure of the status of their previous partners.

At this point in your conversation, you may have discovered that your partner’s STI status is uncertain. To protect yourself, it’s important that your partner is tested for STIs before you begin or continue your sexual relationship. This, in my opinion, is the hardest part of the conversation, but it can be done in a way that reaches your goals and respects your partner. First, admit to your partner that you are unsure of their status. Explain to them that, although they may have no visible symptoms of an infection, there is no way for either of you to know for sure until they are tested. Next, you should ask them to go with you and get tested. You don’t have to say this in a mean or demeaning way to get your point across. You could even make it into a bonding activity by suggesting that you both could get tested together!

Wanting to ask your partner about their history and current STI status does not mean that you’re bossy or don’t trust them. In fact, worrying about your partner’s sexual health shows that you respect them enough to be concerned about their physical wellness. Having your partner get tested isn’t just about protecting
yourself; it’s about making sure that your partner is healthy and, in turn, ensuring the health of your relationship.

Don’t be scared to start the conversation! It’s never too late to be sure.

The post Being Sure: Is Your Partner Free of STIs? appeared first on Fact Not Fiction.

👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽

The post Respect and Relationships appeared first on Fact Not Fiction.

Preparing to engage in sexual activity in any form requires a good bit of prep work: being mindful of any STIs you or your partner could have, ensuring proper birth control, finding a safe and healthy environment, and building mutual trust between you and your partner. However, especially when we are with committed partners, we often forget that giving and gaining consent is necessary before and during any sexual encounter.

As teens, we are especially susceptible to unwanted sexual contact. The Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network reports that 29% of people who experience sexual assault are age 12-17, 44% are under age 18, and girls age 16-19 are 4 times more likely than the general population to experience  of rape, attempted rape, or sexual assault. Most of these attacks are not random: it can be the person’s classmate, neighbor, or even their boyfriend/girlfriend.

No matter whom we have sex with, consent is always required. Whether it’s our boyfriend/girlfriend, friend, or someone we just met, both partners must always consent to any
and all sexual activity. If your partner starts to do something to you or has you do something to them that you are not comfortable doing, there is no shame in saying no. No always means no – no matter what.

If a situation does make you uncomfortable, you should make your discomfort obvious to your partner by using a physical cue, like pushing them away, along with a verbal no. If they ignore your requests to stop or try to guilt you into continuing, stand firm in your decision to stop. Don’t be afraid that you will hurt their feelings or create an awkward situation. Disappointment and awkwardness will go away, but the emotional trauma of an unwanted sexual encounter can linger for years.

It’s important to remember that sexual assault can happen to both men and women. Regardless of your gender or the gender of your partner, you should always ensure that you’re both comfortable with every aspect of your encounter. If your partner looks uncomfortable with what you are doing, stop and ask them if they are okay with what’s going on. If your partner says no or expresses reservations about any of your sexual advances, respect their boundaries by stopping immediately. If you’re ever unsure of their consent,
just ask!

Trust and respect are fundamental parts of any relationship – especially intimate ones. We trust our partners with secrets and responsibilities and respect their beliefs and values; but it’s easy to get caught up in the moment during sex. It’s important to know that trust and respect are necessary for healthy, consensual sex, but they also add to the experience by enhancing the emotional bond between you and your partner.

As teens, we face many challenges when it comes to relationships; but, we shouldn’t let consent be one of them. Remember: No always means no, there’s no shame in telling your partner that you’re uncomfortable, and if someone asks you to stop what you’re doing – stop immediately! Engaging in sexual activity is optional, but giving and receiving consent is not.

The post #FNFRealTalkTeam:Consent…It Always Matters. appeared first on Fact Not Fiction.