As I’ve grown up, I’ve noticed how hard it is to be in the “in” crowd. I could never fit in no matter how hard I tried. I could never be cute enough, slim enough, or messy enough. Not all cliques are bad, but many I’ve seen wants you be a certain way and be what they want you to be. That’s not cool.

I always have been taught to be myself and do what’s right. How could I fit in with a group that would never follow those same morals? Don’t get me wrong, I have lowered my morals before just to have
friends. I did some things that I shouldn’t have just for the sake of the clique, but over time I have woke up.

“None of this is me. I’m not like this.”

I realized that the things I allowed myself to take part in was wrong. I realized that these cliques won’t mean much of anything to me in a few years. I learned to be one with myself and others. Surround yourself with positivity and love. You shouldn’t have to change your morals simply for friends. The “in” crowds have their own issues that you can’t see on the surface. Your values are more important than any companionship you can receive. When you feel they are crossing a boundary, you should leave because you have to love yourself enough to know when it’s not worth it. You can stand your ground respectfully, and if they don’t accept it, then they aren’t really that cool are they?

Be yourself. Love yourself.

The post Deep Thoughts on the “In Crowd.” appeared first on Fact Not Fiction.

Our culture places a lot of importance on romantic relationships. Valentine’s Day, anniversaries, couple’s Halloween costumes are a few examples of how our culture places a lot of focus on a very personal relationship between people. We often feel pressure; from ourselves, friends, family, media, etc.; to be in a romantic relationship. If you are like me, then you may have resisted this pressure. I find that there is another type of relationship that is much more important.

Romantic relationships are complicated. Incredible communication skills, respect, trust, and mutual power dynamics are all key. Yet, when we think about it, those same skills are necessary for all of our relationships.

When people tell me that they’ve never been in a relationship, I ask them a few questions -half jokingly and half serious. “Have you never had friends? A family?” and, most importantly, “Do you not have an open dialogue with yourself?”

Yes, I’d like to propose that you are in a relationship with yourself, and so am I and so are your friends. You are the only person that you cannot live without and will forever be tied to for better or worse, in sickness and in health, till death do you….well, you get the picture.

So you’ve never been in a serious romantic relationship. That in no way invalidates all of the amazing, supportive relationships you’ve had and currently have in your life. “But I want to cuddle and go on long
romantic walks on the beach and have wild, crazy sex.” And who is saying you can’t? It’s true that you only live once, but in the words of Mae West, “if you do it right, once is enough.”

Being in a romantic relationship for the sake of being in a romantic relationship is the most immature and unhealthy action that I’ve seen people around me take. Your time is a finite commodity that should not be spent lightly. Spend it on yourself for a bit while you can. Once you are in a relationship your time is
no longer fully yours. Take this time to learn more about yourself and take insane pictures with your friends and write letters with your extended family and listen to your grandmother’s story about how she met the love of her life.

You are not alone. You are okay. You are capable of great accomplishments. You are intelligent. You are a beautiful human being who is worthy of love because we all are.

The post Relationships 101: It happens when the time is right. appeared first on Fact Not Fiction.

So, what if you just wanna be friends?

Here are a few tried and true tips to ensure a wonderfully platonic relationship.

1. You have to be honest with them and demand the same respect and courtesy. If you are attracted to them from the get go or build an attraction and would like to date them, have sex with them, or hold their hand with a more than friendly purpose, then you cannot approach the relationship with dishonest intent.

2. Don’t pretend to be their friend then be surprised when they return the sentiment. The idea of the “friend-zone” is misleading and insulting. There is value in the relationship between friends that significant others cannot experience. Platonic friends are confidants and close to each other without the entanglements of romantic drama. Both people in the relationship should value that.

3. If you are on the receiving end of unwanted feelings, you have to set your friend straight sooner rather than later, and not in a round about ask-a-mutual-friend-to-drop-hints-that-you’re-not-interested kind of way. Have a private conversation with them, without an audience, that reinforces the value that you place on the friendship.

4. Don’t play games. Don’t play games. Don’t play games.

5. If your friend continues to give advances, talk to them again. I cannot emphasize communication enough. If you have already talked to them multiple times, try to be more direct. Tell them point blank that you love them as your friend and you want to keep it that way.

6. Then, if no other methods or interventions work, there is always the nuclear option. If your friend is clearly not respecting the wants and needs that you have taken the time to express, then it is entirely possible that they are not your friend. Coming to this realization can be painful and take time, but if they
don’t respect your feelings, then they don’t respect you. Respect is the most important aspect of any relationship between two people. Period.

Your feelings have just as much validity as the feelings of the people whom you choose to surround yourself with. So, don’t let yourself get railroaded into a relationship that you don’t want. That would neither be healthy nor fair.

The post The Friend Zone. appeared first on Fact Not Fiction.

Being single isn’t as bad as it may seem. There are times when you will feel lonely, but it gives you a chance to find yourself again. Love can hurt you physically, mentally and emotionally. From my past experience, I can tell you that it feels so amazing being able to have that significant other you can talk to all day and will make you feel like you’re on top of the world, but there are many ups and downs in relationships. So,
everything isn’t going to be sweet like peaches and cream all the time in a relationship, and being single can be for the best.

It is so hard to move on from a relationship that you have been holding onto for so long. For me, I have been crushing on the same guy since the summer before my freshman year of high school. I was only 13 years old at the time, so let’s keep in mind that was over 4 years ago as I am 18 years old now. We’ve dated off-and-on over the past 4 years. We aren’t currently dating, but that relationship is still affecting me today. After our breakup, I cried for months, and I can assure you I am NOT exaggerating. Every time I logged onto social media, I would see pictures and videos of happy couples. Then I would start reminiscing about the past and I would be crying before I noticed it. Since we haven’t been talking as much as we have in the
past, I’ve started focusing more on myself again, and I’m realizing that being single is the best for me right now.

I have had more time to focus on my success in the future. My grades have improved, and I started playing sports again. I have never realized how happy I could be single, and I am not depressed as often as I used
to be. I have also learned to be less dependent of someone when it comes to my heart and how I feel about myself. I try to do as much work as possible, or anything to keep my mind off of that relationship. Lately, I have been having more fun than I ever had before. Being single has made me more confident.

My first break up made me feel horrible. I often sit and think about my past, but then I realize I am doing much better single. My confidence, ego, and personality have changed so much because of that relationship, and it has made me become more aware of my feelings and what makes me happy. Being single is not terrible because it gives you time to perfect yourself.

The post Time to focus on YOU. appeared first on Fact Not Fiction.

Other things it’s good to double up on: pencils before a test, chewing gum or the amount of Netflix episodes you watch on the weekends…

The post Things to double up on appeared first on Fact Not Fiction.

Sex. Many people consider this the most important part of the relationship. But, are you ready for it? Sex is nothing to take lightly. Honestly, it adds a lot to think and talk about in a relationship.

When I first became sexually active, I was very irresponsible. I didn’t know about sexually transmitted infections, the mental anguish, how to talk to my partner about it, or anything else it did to me. When you decide to have sex, make sure you know what you’re getting yourself into by talking to your partner about what you both want and are comfortable with, and how you can be safe. Know that it’s YOUR body. Never compromise your comfort for someone else’s pleasure.

I never really knew I was ready. I just wanted the person I was with to stay. I can assure you that’s not how it works and that’s not a good reason to have sex with someone. It created an insecurity in me. I questioned if I was worth it, was I pretty, and a long list of other things. When you open up that part of yourself, you can never get it back, so make sure you and your partner are ready.

When you are ready, talk to your partner. Make them understand your boundaries. If you feel comfortable and you’ve taken the steps to be safe (condoms, getting tested, birth control, etc.), you should be set to go physically. But always remember, NEVER compromise your own emotional well-being for anyone.

Be safe out there.

The post Knowing When You’re Ready. appeared first on Fact Not Fiction.

Many of us want to be loved and respected, but what happens when your relationship begins to move faster than planned and your partner begins to pressure you about sex? Unfortunately, this is a serious issue among young people and can sometimes cause them to succumb to pressure and do what they’re uncomfortable doing just to please their partner. The fact of the matter is that you may not be ready for sex, and no one that loves you should pressure you to do it. Choosing to have sex should be a decision that you make with your partner when you both feel that you are capable of dealing with any possible consequences that could arise from your actions. Sadly, talking to your partner about this may not be the easiest thing, and sometimes will cause relationships to end.

However, here are a few tips that you should use if your partner is pressuring you for sex:

1.     Discuss Possible Risks

Sex is a big choice and can come with big consequences. Talking to your partner about the potential risks of sex may be just what they need to help them understand why you are choosing to wait. One possible topic that you can discuss with your partner is the risk of unplanned pregnancy. Mississippi has one of the highest rates of teenage pregnancy in the country, and teen mothers are less likely to complete high school. In fact, only about one-third of Mississippi teen mothers actually receive a high school diploma. Another
possible risk associated with sex is contracting a sexually transmitted disease (STD). There are nearly 20 million STDs reported annually in the U.S., and youth ages 15-24 account for half of them. This is the unfortunate reality that sex has a lot of possible consequences.

2.     Demand Respect

Sometimes discussing the risks doesn’t always do the trick, so demanding respect is another step you can take. It is important that you understand your worth so that you won’t compromise your values and health for the pleasure of another person. If your partner is not being understanding of your concerns about sex, then it is important that you let them know that you are not ready and that the topic is off the table. The way your partner responds may not turn out the way you want and may actually cause your partner to leave, but at least you stood your ground with your beliefs.

3.
Leave

There is no use in trying to make your partner understand your feelings about sex if they haven’t gotten it by step two. If they continue to press the issue, it is best to just walk away. Someone who loves you will
never push you to do something that you are uncomfortable doing, and will have your back when you make decisions. In the end, sometimes it is safer to leave than to risk heartbreak, rape, and relationship violence for your decision to abstain.

There is no reason to ever compromise with anyone about sex if you are not ready. Sex should be special, but most importantly it should be done on your terms. Love yourself, and never allow anyone to treat you badly for your decisions.

Stay true to yourself and never give in.

The post When things move a little too fast. appeared first on Fact Not Fiction.

ohey babes!  new video’s up.  here’s how to: 

✔ bring up safer sex
✔ respond to a partner who won’t wear a condom
✔ stay safe in long term relationships

made in partnership with Trojan ❤️

The post New Video appeared first on Fact Not Fiction.

The younger you are the first time your parents let you have any sort of social media (Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc.), the more likely you are to not be completely aware of the dangers. Social Media can be a great thing, a place to connect with friends and family, but it can also be a very risky place. So many
young people, especially girls, trust social media to be an outlet for their feelings. You have to be careful about what you are willing to post. There are a few things you need to ask yourself before you press that permanent “post” button.

Before posting, ask yourself these things:

•  Will I be ashamed of this a few years from now? Think about a job you might really want or a college you’ve dreamed about since you were a child. It is becoming more common to check a possible recruit’s social media as a part of the application process. You do not want to be the person who loses something you really wanted because of a post from three years ago. Do not assume that because your profile is “private” this does not apply to you.
• Would I feel comfortable showing my parents this? This applies to both “private” message and public posts. If you think your parents would freak out over something you are about to send out into the world wide web, you should rethink it. Remember when you send anything over private
  message that even if you delete it from your screen, you’ve sent a copy to someone else to use as they please. Through private message, it might only be one person, but if you post it to your wall or feed, someone could easily screen shot and save it.
• Would I get in trouble with my school? Another thing that is becoming more common is the suspension/expulsion of children for what they do on social media. Most students think the school has no control of what they do outside of school, which is not completely true. If you post something and they decide it applies to the school’s safety, the school can take it into their own hands. In both my junior and senior years of high school, three students posted incriminating pictures of guns on their social media accounts with violent captions. Those pictures may not have had anything to do with the school or anyone in the school, but they showed a violent tendency in the students who posted them. If a school sees that, they are required to take precaution.
• If you are about to post an opinionated/controversial statement, ask yourself “Am I willing to argue with someone over this opinion?” It’s becoming popular to debate on social media, but you also see people post about controversial subjects and then get mad when people post their opinion in retaliation. If you post something on the internet, it’s no longer your property. If you post an opinion on Facebook, be ready for other people’s opinion.

If you ask yourself these questions every time you are about to post something, you are on your way to having a safe and clean social media experience. Remember that nothing you put on the internet is ever really “private,” no matter how many blocks you put on your profile. Do not trust profiles of people you’ve never met, based on what you see on their profile. If you’ve never met a person in real life, you probably should not accept their friend invitation at all. But if you do, remember that just as easily as you can make an account for yourself, they can make an account with information that is not truly theirs.

I encourage everyone to watch the video “The Dangers of Social Media (Child Predator Social Experiment) Girl Edition!” by Coby Persin. In this instance, it was to teach the girls a lesson, but it easily could be real and any of us could be taken from our families into a life we don’t want, because of who we trusted on
social media.

The post When Privacy Isn’t Private. appeared first on Fact Not Fiction.