Preparing to engage in sexual activity in any form requires a good bit of prep work: being mindful of any STIs you or your partner could have, ensuring proper birth control, finding a safe and healthy environment, and building mutual trust between you and your partner. However, especially when we are with committed partners, we often forget that giving and gaining consent is necessary before and during any sexual encounter.

As teens, we are especially susceptible to unwanted sexual contact. The Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network reports that 29% of people who experience sexual assault are age 12-17, 44% are under age 18, and girls age 16-19 are 4 times more likely than the general population to experience  of rape, attempted rape, or sexual assault. Most of these attacks are not random: it can be the person’s classmate, neighbor, or even their boyfriend/girlfriend.

No matter whom we have sex with, consent is always required. Whether it’s our boyfriend/girlfriend, friend, or someone we just met, both partners must always consent to any
and all sexual activity. If your partner starts to do something to you or has you do something to them that you are not comfortable doing, there is no shame in saying no. No always means no – no matter what.

If a situation does make you uncomfortable, you should make your discomfort obvious to your partner by using a physical cue, like pushing them away, along with a verbal no. If they ignore your requests to stop or try to guilt you into continuing, stand firm in your decision to stop. Don’t be afraid that you will hurt their feelings or create an awkward situation. Disappointment and awkwardness will go away, but the emotional trauma of an unwanted sexual encounter can linger for years.

It’s important to remember that sexual assault can happen to both men and women. Regardless of your gender or the gender of your partner, you should always ensure that you’re both comfortable with every aspect of your encounter. If your partner looks uncomfortable with what you are doing, stop and ask them if they are okay with what’s going on. If your partner says no or expresses reservations about any of your sexual advances, respect their boundaries by stopping immediately. If you’re ever unsure of their consent,
just ask!

Trust and respect are fundamental parts of any relationship – especially intimate ones. We trust our partners with secrets and responsibilities and respect their beliefs and values; but it’s easy to get caught up in the moment during sex. It’s important to know that trust and respect are necessary for healthy, consensual sex, but they also add to the experience by enhancing the emotional bond between you and your partner.

As teens, we face many challenges when it comes to relationships; but, we shouldn’t let consent be one of them. Remember: No always means no, there’s no shame in telling your partner that you’re uncomfortable, and if someone asks you to stop what you’re doing – stop immediately! Engaging in sexual activity is optional, but giving and receiving consent is not.

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Not having a law degree .. the answer is if someone — 16 or younger — engages in sex and charges are filed, then there could be legal action taken. For example, let’s say a 16 year old girl is having sex with her 20 year old boyfriend and her parents find out. The parents become angry and press charges. The 20 year old boyfriend may find himself in court and labeled as a sex offender. If you need more information, check in your community for a legal aide service.

“What age do you have to be before having sex?”

In Mississippi, the legal age for persons having sex is 16; this age may be is different in another state. Another way to think about this is to ask how this might affect your life. For instance, if your parents know you are sexually active, will they be supportive or disappointed? What would happen if you got pregnant? What would happen if you got a sexually transmitted infection, like HIV?

Deciding when someone is old enough to have sex really requires thinking about why you want to have sex and how that decision might change your life.

“Is 14 too young to start experimenting sexually? My boyfriend and I have been together for months and known each other for years. We’re both virgins and were each other’s first kiss. We talk about what we are comfortable with all the time and decided not to have sex yet.”

Since you asked, 14 is too young to engage in a sexual relationship. The fact that you have been talking about this decision, shows a level of maturity that you should be proud of. Both you and your boyfriend have lots of time to make that decision. There are some great web sites that offer ideas of ways
to show how much you care about someone without having sex, such as this link:

https://www.nscphealth.co.uk/101-ways-to-show-someone-you-love-them-without-having-sex-pdf.

I encourage both of you to make an appointment with a trusted health care provider to talk about having sex, how to protect yourself from a sexually transmitted infection, and how to prevent getting pregnant.

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Consent can’t be given if:

•     A person is drunk or under the influence of any kind of drug.
•     A person says no.
•     A person doesn’t say anything.  Silence does not mean yes!
•     A person is verbally or emotionally threatened to say yes with comments like “I thought you loved me” or “Ill break up with you.“

Anyone that truly loves you and respects you will be okay with your decision. It’s your life and your body – not anyone else’s.

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